AUGUST, MONTH OF COMPASSION: SUICIDE

SUICIDE

Introduction from the pulpit inscription out of nails and wood lectern is made and Jesus the carpenter by trade displayed an attitude of prayer. So let all that preach or read be aware of his outstretched hand as here they stand.

May be last week’s sermon by Gavin about healing and forgiveness and the beginning of August our month of compassion gives me permission to day to talk about suicide – a sermon which I have held here on a Friday in March and which has been weighing on me ever since.

In Mathew’s gospel ch5 vs 21 the opening line is “You have heard that people were told in the past – do not commit murder, anyone who does will be brought to trial”.

Another word for suicide is “murder of oneself” and in our Psalm no 130 “A prayer for Help” we heard “From the depth of my despair I call to You Lord. Hear my cry O Lord: Listen to my call for help”. And that anguish reminds me of a suicidal person.

Research in Christian teaching seems to have come to the conclusion that people who commit suicide are invariably “detached from God and oblivious in their darkness of the consequences their irreversible action will have. – And maybe our perception of the sinfulness of suicide is, that we see it as a “final act which cannot be repented”.

I guess my father’s suicide nearly 33 years ago has influenced my life in many ways – initially it increased my already steady alcohol consumption which in later years spiraled out of control: Don’t get me wrong I am not playing the “blaming game” here, I did the drinking and we all do have a choice!

Some five years later I had moved to Cape Town to further a relationship which lasted less than six months and after I had returned to Johannesburg Graham “died of an accidental overdose of pills” as his parents put it – an unlikely cause of death of a qualified pharmacist you would think?!! More fuel for my alcohol addiction, more pain I desperately tried to dull with it.

Only years into my sobriety I started to learn through my spiritual growth to deal with the picture of suicide a little. The initial stumbling block was the denial of the fact that my Dad had ended his own life. Which subsequently robbed us of the opportunity to grief – my mother having sent out the obituary the day after the funeral. So instead of being able to loose myself in the crowd of mourners represented by business associates and friends- I had to be strong in the small circle of family and relatives – for my Mom’s sake. I only broke down briefly at the open grave and carried on embalming the unshed tears and unexpressed sorrow with mounting amounts of alcohol.

Let me pause here to illustrate that denial in quoting a poem by Terry Kettering “The Elephant in the Room”:

There is an elephant in the room, it is large and squatting, so it is hardtop get around it. Yet we squeeze by with “How are You?” and “I am fine” …. And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter. We talk of the weather. We talk about work. We talk about everything else – except the elephant in the room. We all know it is there. We are thinking about the elephant as we talk. It is constantly on our minds, for you see, it is a very big elephant. But we do not talk about the elephant in the room. Oh, please – say his name ? Oh, please say “Gotfried” again? Oh, please let’s talk about the elephant in the room? For if we talk about his death, perhaps we can talk about his life. Can I say “Gotfried” and not have you look away? For if I cannot, you are leaving me ALONE . . . IN A ROOM . . . WITH AN ELEPHANT.

More recently the current “Fashion of Teenage Suicide” – or the attempt thereof – has hit close to home with Ernest’ daughter Amore being one of these troubled youth. How do the two of us know that these seemingly only attention seeking acts of self mutilation and self destruction will not find their tragic goal one day?? Has God equipped me with the necessary tools, knowledge and understanding of this particular form of death??

If one googles “Suicide in the Bible” there are few references and even less Solace to find: Seven suicides in the whole bible, the most prominent being Judas after having betrayed Jesus – as portrayed also in and hanged himself.” – And Hey, I can see some of us Christians actually standing there and silently applauding!

Life is a God give privilege – what God gives, Man is not supposed to take away. Do people whom commit suicide then go to hell?? – The Bible is also silent on that issue – God probably did not address it in black and white for a very good reason: If we knew that we still would go to Heaven is ‘nt it likely that a lot more suicides would happen?!!

While I still grownup in my native – and Catholic – Austria, a female Cousin of my father, who like him suffered from depression, threw herself in front of an oncoming train. And had to be buried outside the walls of the Sacred Grounds of the local Cemetery – the Church then opposing suicide as a major sin.
Over the later years I was fortunate to find an excellent Psychologist who was able to help me accessing the pain I had buried so deeply – it still did not make it go away and I had to learn to forgive my Dad but also needed to come to terms, how God has actually forgiven him this, in my eyes and upbringing, unforgivable sin.

In my, so to speak, “non religious” Google research I found some interesting and some disturbing quotes – let me share some of them with you:

Tifanie de Bartolo writes in 2011 under the heading “How to kill a Rockstar” --- “Did you really want to die? No one commits suicide because they want to die, then WHY do they do it? BECAUSE they want to stop the pain.”

In one of our recent meetings in my rehab group when the conversation touched the subject of teenage suicide one of my fellow alcoholics quoted wisely: “ Suicide does not stop the pain, it only transfers it”.

Another more humorous quote I found is by Dorothy Parker under the title “Enough Rope”: Razors pain you, Rivers are damp. Acids stain you and drugs cause cramp. Guns are nt lawful and nooses might give. Gas smells awful, you might as well live.

At one particular website which addresses potential suicide candidates, draws you into reading an about five minute long “manual” which is trying to talk you out of your intention. And there one particular statement got my attention: “Suicide is not chosen, it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.” -- Then the “advice” follows: Find a way to reduce your pain OR find a way to increase your coping resources.

As logic and rational this “recipe” might be, I just cannot stop wondering if a person in that dark apace, where all the doors and windows are tightly shut, will actually be in the position to read any of the above? And if he or she DO will they eventually act on it??

Looking back in to our Old Testament reading from the book of Ezekiel Ch18 from Vs21 I can extract some hope for us – “If an evil man stops sinning and keeps my laws, if he does what is right and good, he will NOT die, he will certainly live. All his sins will be forgiven and he will because he did what is right. Do you think I enjoy seeing an evil man die asks the Souvereign Lord. No I would rather see him repent and live.”

Is suicide a cowardly or a courageous act many people seem to ask and I am afraid I cannot answer you on that. For me only Forgiveness can move us forward – out of that black hole of emptiness and unanswered questions.

As Paul puts it so expressedly in his letter to the Ephesians ch4 in the last two verses: “Get rid of all the bitterness, passion and anger. No more shouting or insult. No more hateful feelings of any sort. Instead be kind and tender hearted to one another and forgive one another as God has forgiven YOU through Christ.”

BECAUSE only Forgiveness can free us from that seemingly unbearable burden caused by the act of “Murder of One Self”.

AMEN

Michael Nuechtern, 6 August 2017